Shanghaied (not really)

Here’s what I bashed out in the departure lounge at Shanghai Pudong Airport a day or so ago:

I’m at Shanghai Airport and it’s all gone a bit weird. The airport is shrouded in fog and has been all day. It’s currently 2pm. We were due to get in here at 7am or so but due to the fog we were diverted to Japan, refueled there and came back, disembarking on the tarmac and getting in, well, I don’t know when but it was about three hours later. And then the adventure began.

This couldn’t be more different to Osaka airport where I stopped on the way to New Zealand. Firstly the Chinese have this strange requirement that when in transit you have to claim all your baggage and then book it back in again. Which is kinda understandable. But they also make you go through immigration and customs as if you were staying in the country. And, possibly because this is a Communist state, this involved much paperwork, queuing and the more inefficient overstaffing I’ve ever encountered.

Oh, did I mention this all took place after a 12 hour red-eye flight? Oh yes.

First was passport control. Rather than simply stamp the passports they were checked and then given to a guy who took us to another desk where two other guys stamped them and randomly gave them back to the crowd. I was offered someone else’s passport because he was also bald but eventually I got mine back.

Then we were spat out into the arrivals area where there were no signs for departures at all. A guy with a badge asked me if I was okay and told me to go to the third floor. At the lift I met up with some familiar looking Dutch people and a couple of Scots and together we figured out where to go next.

The next hour or two (I forget) were spent in a queue during the longest booking in procedure in the world ever. Admittedly there was a problem – our scheduled flight to Amsterdam had already left so we had to be booked in on a new one but this still took a very long time and a game of, ahem, Chinese whispers was the only way of getting any information. Once I was sure I was in the right place I decided it was out of my hands and just sat there. But still, it was rather disconcerting given the huge numbers of staff about the place.

With my boarding passes in hand (and the useful advice that I might miss the Birmingham flight from Amsterdam so should ask KLM staff for help – we’ll see how that pans out…) the next part of the adventure began – getting out of the country. I was sure I’d filled out a customs declaration form but must have left it at check in so had to do another one. And then, just as I thought I’d done everything I had to fill out another little slip of paper to let me out. As I was passing this to the official a slip of paper fell from my passport – the health declaration saying I didn’t have symptoms of Bird Flu. I’d forgotten about that but he wasn’t bothered with it. So I have a souvenir of Chinese bureaucracy.

And so finally I was in he departure lounge, sitting here at gate 22 waiting to board. Hopefully soon, but they keep pushing it back ten minutes. Ten minutes ain’t too bad considered I’ve been here for, at a guess, 4-5 hours.

But there was a bright edge to the cloud. One thing you know you’re going to get in China is a decent cup of tea and, allowing for my tea withdrawl symtoms by the gods of fuck it was lovely. No idea how much it cost – I just handed over my Visa card – but it came in a big pot and, while not like any tea I’d had before, did the job perfectly with that mix of a caffeine boost and a relaxing ahhhh.

Ooh, I think we’re boarding…