I’ve been having these chest pains the last couple of weeks, on and off, usually in the evening before going to sleep. Nothing to major but enough to reduce my sleeping somewhat to the extent that I just thought they were self-perpetuating. I’m tired because my body aches, my body aches because I’m tired. Monday it gets a little worse but I shrug it off, have an early dinner and an early night. Tuesday it’s getting seriously uncomfortable so I buy some heartburn stuff from the chemist, which makes no difference, and go straight to bed when I get home. Waking up at 11.00pm there’s still this incredible pain in my heart and lungs. Sam suggests the NHS Direct phone line and I concur – we’re both flitting between thinking it could be nothing, it could be serious, so best to be sure without making too much fuss. The nurse on the phone pretty quickly passes me to the Ambulance service and at 12.01am I’m admitted to Good Hope Hospital A&E department in Sutton Coldfield.
Which, if you were wondering, is why I’ve been a little quiet this week.
After an ECG, blood test and X-ray showed nothing out of the ordinary the doctor concluded I’ve got Gastritis (here’s the nearest thing I could find on the NHS site), prescribed me a weeks worth of Zoton (Lansoprazole) and sent me on my way with instructions to visit my GP for a follow-up. Which was nice, except I still had this intense pain in my lower chest as if I’d been punched from the inside coupled with extreme weakness probably due to a combination of tiredness, pain and the inability to breath properly.
But at least I’m not dying or anything. (Although, to be honest, if I was dying it would make this fucking worthwhile…)
So I’ve been off work all week doing absolutely nothing because I can’t actually do anything other than sit or lie down, and even then I can’t stay in the same position for too long because the middle of my body is a tender, bruised pain machine so every turn, every slight movement, causes discomfort. Today it’s eased off a bit but walking down the road to the doctors was a major effort. Add to this that I haven’t been eating properly for a few days, initially because it was just a bad idea and then because I shouldn’t really eat anything vaguely acidic so it’s been mashed potatoes and chicken soup. Oh, and add some more moany shit while your at it. Like how the cat keeps wanting to sit on my lap which is so not going to work. Like how up until tonight I can’t read or type so I’ve been reduced to watching broadcast TV and crappy movies (don’t want anything too demanding). And the fact that I’ve only had four cigarettes since Tuesday and three cups of tea, not that I wanted them but the idea of going cold turkey and getting stomach cramps at this moment in time is just too much to bear. Oh, and the backache, the backache… If I’d actually done anything active it’d be justified but backache from lying down? What’s that about?
And of course the whole being whisked off to hospital in the middle of the night and having days of inactivity to reflect ain’t too good for the soul. My strength and concentration has been wiped out in one fell swoop by some damned indigestion. Is this the future? The A&E doctor made sure I wasn’t going to die but what’s the GP going to say? I know I’ve had a pretty fucked up adult life so am I reaping what I sowed? Already? I’ve been pondering “the point” for quite a while now (no doubt manifesting itself in my strange jobs and endless blogging – try reading between the lines) so is this my wake-up call? Can I deal with it? My problems have always been pretty much mental based and physical work has been a release from them. Now I’ve manifested a physical problem – what’s the release from that?
Ah, at least I’m coherent enough to write this stuff down, which is a distinct improvement on this morning, and the pain has moved down to my lower gut and turned into more of a dull discomfort (with occasional stabs). By next week I’ll no doubt be back to normal with a nice prescription for tummy drugs and be back at work with a cautionary note to take it easy (of course this has to happen the year I’m not getting sick pay, but I’m not worrying about that just yet – still got some savings). But even so.
Big sigh…
(comments off, email welcome…)