Ever since I’ve been at the shop there’s been a sign on the door to the offices / staff room saying “This Door Is Alarmed” when it isn’t. At least it wasn’t until yesterday. We now have an alarm on the door and a code to get in. This is not a problem in itself. What is a problem is the ridiculous amount of security that’s suddenly been imposed on our relatively serene retail lives.
I have noticed, as I’m sure you have too, that technology has been getting more annoying over the last decade. Lifts now talk to you. While this is a good thing for blind people it’s fucking annoying for anyone who uses said lift many times a day. The same with tube trains, especially the Circle Line which was recorded by the most dim-witted sounding woman in London. Novelty mobile phone tunes. But you know all this, and we live with it.
This alarm is the loudest I’ve ever heard. It’s louder than the fire alarm which is saying something. After deactivating it gives you 20 seconds to get through the door before it goes off again, which might well be enough time if our door didn’t take 30 seconds to close properly, so each time you go through the door you have to pull it shut. During those 20 seconds it beeps repeatedly to let you know it’s deactivated. When lots of people are going through the door it gets rather annoying. You can deactivate it for 20 minutes but during this time it again beeps constantly.
Matt hates it more that I do so he immediately tried to shut it down. He opened the main box and located what appeared to be the power cable and, very carefully with an insulated screwdriver, disconnected it. It still worked. He tried unscrewing something else and created a loud bang and flash at which point he gave up. Later in the day I start thinking about the beeping – maybe I can disconnect the speaker that makes the beeps – that way we still have an alarm but it’s less annoying so maybe people will start appreciating it or at least not getting so fucked off with it.
So I unscrew the box with the keypad and just as I’m nearly there the alarm goes off. And won’t stop. At all. I phone the number on the box and the guy tells me I’m set off the anti-tamper alarm. This thing has an anti-tamper alarm. He tells me the code to shut it off and I decide to leave well alone.
It’s like something out of a 50′s B movie. The robot that will not die. You can disconnect it from the power supply and it’ll keep running. You try and remove cables and it attacks you. You try and remove its casing and it screams.
Alarm, I’d like to have a peaceful working environment without excess electronic noise please.
I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that.