The Operation a report The

The Operation
a report

The operation took place on Tuesday and I’ve been living the life of luxury ever since at Kate’s parents house. Actually, I’ve been a bit bored today which I take to be a good sign. I look like I’ve been involved in a drunken fracas with a broken bottle around the nose area with mucho stitching and loads of dried blood smeared around my face. While I can clean it when it spreads away from the stitches, they don’t want it touched for a few days. This gets rather uncomfortable when the blood dries on the skin, but it’s not that painful. In fact the big surprise is I’m not in any real pain at all, considering exactly what happened yesterday…

cue wibbly-wobbly screen…

As the Tuesday got closer I started to feel what I guess was nervousness, although I put this down to a bad mood, and by the time I got to the hospital (after a two hour train journey and an hour in the car with Kate’s dad David (Hi David!) I was not in the most cheery of moods. But still, it had to happen so let’s get it over with.

The operation was going to happen in at least two stages. First the Rodent Ulcer is removed and sent to another hospital for examination. They then report back to tell the surgeon if he succeeded in removing the whole lot or if he left any bits in there. I then go back under the knife for the final scrape and the reconstruction.

Rodent Ulcer: I don’t know exactly what it is but the “Rodent” means it’s burrowing, albeit very slowly. It’s actually a form of skin cancer – non-malignant – what was probably cause by me growing up in Singapore and running around in the equatorial sunshine. I first noticed it about seven years ago but never thought it was serious. A year ago my doctor referred me to the skin centre and the long journey to this operation began.

The surgeon’s name is Mr Reusser who has the air of a reassuring aristocrat. Very English, very in control, and very good at making you feel at ease. He says “It’s just in-out, not a problem”. You think “It’s just in-out, not a problem”. He takes another photo of my eye. Apparently it’s very unusual for someone my age to develop a Rodent Ulcer, especially as I was approx 22 when it appeared. When I first went to the skin centre they were very surprised to see such a young man there and called in all the other doctors to have a look. The same thing happened at the eye centre when Mr Reusser videoed my face. This time he took a digital photo. I meant to ask him to email me a jpg of it. I will be used for teaching purposes. I may even appear in a book.

The photo was interesting as I’d never really seen the Rodent Ulcer properly. I see it from the front with my nose in the way, normally obscured by my glasses. He took it from the best angle and it really is rather large and ugly. Or rather it was. It’s gone now. He cut it out.

The worst part was the anaesthetic. They used a local meaning I was awake for the whole procedure. This wasn’t a problem because you can’t feel anything and as long as you keep your eyes shut you can’t see the knives descending on your face. However, needles going into you eyelids are another matter. For future reference: Needle in upper eyelid = not that bad. Needle in lower eyelid = fucking painful. Those of you who read Cerebus (not many, I know) will remember the “injury to eye motif” section. I do believe I went through that same procedure. An injection below the tear duct. The only bruise I have from the whole procedure is in that spot. But at least it was over in a few seconds when the anaesthetic took it’s effect. And the breathing exercises my yoga-fuelled meditating mother taught me came into their own.

So I’m lying on a bed with a pad on my chest and a heartbeat monitor on my finger (going beep, beep, beep) with my eyes closed. It took me a good minute before I realised he was cutting into my face. I wasn’t sure how he would be cutting it out but there was a snipping noise going on. It’s a bit like having your hair cut. You can’t feel anything but there are small vibrations echoing through your head. I rather liked be awake during the op. After about fifteen minutes it was over and he removed the Rodent Ulcer. To my regret I didn’t get a chance to look at it. I imagined it would be like a root vegetable – a bloody carrot. I’ll ask him when I have the stitches out. Now separated from my face the Rodent Ulcer went off to another hospital in central Birmingham to be looked at to see if any bits had been left in me. I used to live near a hospital and often got in minicabs with “Hospital Contract” stickers in the window. I assumed they were used to take patients home. I didn’t realise they were used to ferry samples between hospitals.

So back to the ward with a large bandage on my face. I felt rather sleepy and drifted off in the chair. Even though I felt nothing I expect my body was slightly in shock after such an invasion and I slept for about an hour. When I came round the anaesthetic was wearing off and I was in some pain. On top of this there was a television in the ward and the old guy in the corner was watching children’s programs on ITV. Plus I find when I wake up after a short snooze I’m usually in a bad mood. The results came through and they walked me back to the theatre with a “let’s get this over with then” attitude and I was in no mood to disagree. Another “injury to eye motif” and the final stage began.

Thankfully Mr Reusser had removed everything the first time. He removed a bit more to be safe and then I could smell burning. At first I thought his head was too close to the lights and his hair was being singed. Then I realised he was using a red hot scalpel to cut off a section of my skin from above my nose and it was my flesh that was burning. Weird. This was placed over the hole by my eye and both areas were stitched up, which took quite a long time. I must have been in there for about an hour but I didn’t notice time passing. Suddenly it was over. I opened my eyes and they wheeled me back into the ward. Again, I felt quite weak even though I felt nothing. David was waiting in the ward to take me home and they brought me a cup of tea.

I asked for a mirror. I had no real idea what had been going on other than a lot of cutting and stitching and had this idea that there would not be much different up there. How wrong I was. The stitching looks quite rough, rather like how I stitch up trousers – functional but not too pretty. There was a load of blood and this clear antiseptic gel layered over the wounds. Add to this my tired, puffy eyes and I did look a bit of a state. Before going in I asked when he thought I could go back to work. He said next Monday would be fine but the customers might not like it. I understood what he meant. I think I will go to work on Monday just for that very reason! A bit of a shock was when I stood up to get dressed and blood poured off my face (well, three or four large drops). The wound was leaking and had collected in my right eye. This continued for most of the evening and I slept with a towel on the pillow. This morning I woke up with my eyelids coated in dried blood and only now, 36 hours later, has it really stopped..

But there’s no pain. None at all. I’ve had a hole a centimetre in diameter made in the space between my right eye and my nose removed and a patch of skin from above my nose removed to plug the hole and I feel nothing. I haven’t even taken a Nurofen. Weird.